this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
