I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
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