the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
