Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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