ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
