I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize