Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
