you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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