My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
