mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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