..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
