you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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