I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I still have a little drunk in my system
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
