Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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