Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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