At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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