he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
