he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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