Dual....:-)
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
