nutella sex= disaster
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
