Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
