this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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