Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
