There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
