Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
