I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
