I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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