If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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