Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
