Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
