he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
