Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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