i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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