ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize