Is it because I queefed?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
