You work out of a Hotel?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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