The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
