He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
