I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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