I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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