That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just pee around me
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
