I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
