BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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