She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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