last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
