I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
