so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
