Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
