You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
