It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
she told me i tasted like america
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
