Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
