And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
