I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
