My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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