Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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