I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
