he wants to bone in the snuggie
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
