Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
