When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
His nipple licking is glorious
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