At least make sure they are 18
Why
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
