May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
