alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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