Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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