she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
