You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
