maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
