He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
