u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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