I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
