where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
