So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
