Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
