woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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