do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
