I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
