Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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