For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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