Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
