He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
