If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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