don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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