summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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