He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
