Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
