Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think people are normalizing furries
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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