Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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