Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
