My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Randomize