We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
