I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
