I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
