I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
