Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
