didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize