Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
