Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
