Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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