We should be called the Road Head Warriors
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
