i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we made out on top of his cat.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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