No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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