Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
