vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
