I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
