dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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