so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i drank out of a bidet.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
