I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize