my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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