I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
