alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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