white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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