WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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